Dear diary-
I have not written in over two years.

Today I am thinking about anxious cat behavior, hemorrhoids, Cylconopedia by Reza Negarestani, The Kingdom Of This World by Alejo Carpenter, Flat Earth, Inside The NBA, “You Laugh You Lose”,
“Return To Monke”, waterguns, room temperature, avocados, the Wendigo, Mothman, The Flatwoods Monster, Elvis, “Unchained Melody”, “Guy Slips and Accidentally Eats Shawarma with Extra Tahini”, freezing your eggs, estrogen, high-fidelity sound, coconut oil, food poisoning, money.


Sky burial (Tibetan: བྱ་གཏོར་, Wylie: bya gtor, lit. "bird-scattered"[1]) is a funeral practice in which a human corpse is placed on a mountaintop to decompose while exposed to the elements or to be eaten by scavenging animals, especially carrion birds. It is a specific type of the general practice of excarnation. It is practiced in the annexed region Tibet and the Chinese provinces and autonomous regions of Qinghai, Sichuan and Inner Mongolia, as well as in Mongolia, Bhutan and parts of India such as Sikkim and Zanskar.[2] The locations of preparation and sky burial are understood in the Vajrayana Buddhist traditions as charnel grounds. Comparable practices are part of Zoroastrian burial practices where deceased are exposed to the elements and birds of prey on stone structures called Dakhma.[3] Few such places remain operational today due to religious marginalisation, urbanisation and the decimation of vulture populations.[4][5]

The majority of Tibetan people and many Mongols adhere to Vajrayana Buddhism, which teaches the transmigration of spirits. There is no need to preserve the body, as it is now an empty vessel. Birds may eat it or nature may cause it to decompose. The function of the sky burial is simply to dispose of the remains in as generous a way as possible (the origin of the practice's Tibetan name). In much of Tibet and Qinghai, the ground is too hard and rocky to dig a grave, and due to the scarcity of fuel and timber, sky burials were typically more practical than the traditional Buddhist practice of cremation. In the past, cremation was limited to high lamas and some other dignitaries,[6] but modern technology and difficulties with sky burial have led to an increased use of cremation by commoners.[7]

Other nations which performed air burial were the Caucasus nations of Georgians, Abkhazians and Adyghe people, in which they put the corpse in a hollow tree trunk.[8][9]


today i am thinking about

Wes Perkins was the luckiest man to walk the earth, this guy survived the most gruesome bear attack ever.
The bear attack was so horrific, hard to look at or to think about.
The following is a story from Anchorage Daily News about survival, incredible willpower, and how the unbelievable can become the truth.

Wes Perkins is from Alaska, and he knows how lucky he is.
Life is good, but it will never be the same after the unfortunate bear attack that nearly cost him his life.
After 26 surgeries and more than $1 million accumulated in medical expenses later, Wes is getting along. He’s not the man he once was, but he’s still very appreciative to be alive.

According to Anchorage Daily News,

“Wes Perkins is whole in body and still badly disfigured. There is no gentle way to describe his condition. Doctors had to use part of his fibula to create a jaw to replace what the bear ripped off of his face. He still has a tube in his throat. His left eye, which sees only light and dark, weeps constantly. And probably worst of all, for a man who always loved to talk, he is now hard to understand because he speaks with only half a tongue.”

So how did this nightmare of situation come about? It was essentially a bear hunt gone bad, a routine and pleasant hunt that took a turn for the worse when Perkins came across the wrong bear at the wrong time.

Rather than fleeing like most usually do, the bear fed into it’s fighting instinct, as it likely felt threatened. It turned out to be bad news for Perkins.

Perkins, who is a trained paramedic, recalls the attack vividly. He was quoted in the interview with Anchorage Daily News:

“I had to dig stuff out of (my) airway to breathe,” he wrote. “If I was unconscious, I would have died. Also, (as) long as I lay still just right I was able to keep my airway open. I could not move my face sideways or my airway would close. I know if I lost consciousness, I would probably die. So I stayed alert all the way (to Nome), and I could squeeze the hands of my two partners when they asked me questions.”

His partners were Dan Stang, a Nome dentist, and his son, Edward, a student in dentistry school at the time. They shot the 8-foot-tall, 13-year-old grizzly bear off of Perkins, which was the first action made that lead to survival of Wes. That act was accompanied by many others that have allowed Perkins to carry on with life.

And that is the amazing part of this story. A team effort and incredible will power of a human to survive is what helped create this rescue and survival of epic proportions.

Here’s more from the Anchorage Daily News,

Even as the Stangs began life-saving first aid, they were radioing for help from Nome, a community far from anywhere at the tip of the Seward Peninsula jutting into the sea closer to Russia than Anchorage, the urban hub of the 49th state.

Perkins’ brother Nate made the radio call. He didn’t call Alaska State Troopers and wait for others to act. He pretty much single-handedly organized a rescue to lift his brother from the wilderness of the Kigluaik Mountains, about 30 miles east of this small community. “Ace chopper pilot Ben Rowe saved his life,” Nate said at the time, but Rowe was only one of the many who combined to save then 54 year old Wes. Rowe was in the air only minutes after taking a phone call from Nate. As he flew, others were rolling into action, too.

Wes, the Survivor
Wes is getting along as best as he can.

Four months after the attack, Wes is able to get around on his own, but is far from being back to life as he knew it. Everything he consumes comes from a blender now, but its better than being underground. Every day is a day of improvement, and medical staff members are still working on getting him back to his best state.

The detail and information found inside this story will blow your mind. Some of it is extremely gruesome and vivid. “Extraordinary” and “incredible” are the only two words fitting enough to describe the miracle that happened.

Wes wants everyone to be careful, and to remember wild animals are not your friends. They are not good or bad, they are simply wild animals, and that is something to be remembered.

“Some think I was taking pictures,” he wrote. “I did not know the bear was 69 feet away in a snow cave. I would not get 69 feet from a bear in the zoo.

“I had a camera in my pocket, snowgo jacket. So when I stopped, I thought the bear was ahead of me. We saw it had been running. So I stopped to take camera out of pocket and put it in my dash bag as I could shoot the gun.”

The bear attacked as he was doing that.

“I turned and saw the bear, full charge,” he wrote. “I only had time to say, ‘Oh shit!’ But I got (my) gun 1/2 way off my back . . . When I turned around, the bear was that close. I had no time to do anything. Nine steps from 69 feet, according to Fish and Game. Big bear.”

Perkins, who spent his life in Alaska, has a fair bit of experience around grizzlies, but added, “I never had one hide like this one!” What followed after it burst from a snow cave has been an experience he couldn’t imagine in his worst nightmares.


Prester John (Latin: Presbyter Johannes) was a legendary Christian patriarch, presbyter (elder), and king who was popular in European chronicles and tradition from the 12th through the 17th centuries. He was said to rule over a Nestorian (Church of the East) Christian nation lost amid the Islamic caliphates and pagan lands of the Orient, in which the patriarch of the Saint Thomas Christians resided. The accounts are varied collections of medieval popular fantasy, depicting Prester John as a descendant of the Three Magi, ruling a kingdom full of riches, marvels, and strange creatures.

At first, Prester John was imagined to reside in India; tales of the Nestorian Christians' evangelistic success there and of Thomas the Apostle's subcontinental travels as documented in works like the Acts of Thomas probably provided the first seeds of the legend. After the coming of the Mongols to the Western world, accounts placed the king in Central Asia, and eventually Portuguese explorers convinced themselves that they had found him in Ethiopia.


today i ate lucky charms straight out of the bag

today i am thinking about

The Last Man on Earth is a 1964 black-and-white post-apocalyptic science fiction horror film based on the 1954 novel I Am Legend by Richard Matheson. The film was produced by Robert L. Lippert, directed by Ubaldo Ragona and Sidney Salkow, and stars Vincent Price. The screenplay was written in part by Matheson, but he was dissatisfied with the result and chose to be credited as "Logan Swanson." William Leicester, Furio M. Monetti, and Ubaldo Ragona finished the script.

The Last Man on Earth was filmed in Rome, with scenes being completed at Esposizione Universale Roma. It was released in the US and the UK by American International Pictures. In the 1980s the film entered the public domain.[1][2] MGM Home Video, the current owners of the AIP film catalog, released a digitally remastered widescreen print of the film on DVD in September 2005.


today i am thinking about

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today i am thinking about

Climate Hustle is a 2016 film rejecting the existence and cause of climate change, narrated by climate change denialist[1] Marc Morano, produced and directed by Christopher Rogers, co-written by Morano and Mick Curran, and funded by the Committee for a Constructive Tomorrow (CFACT), a free market pressure group funded by the fossil fuel lobby.

According to Ars Technica, the film offers "a fast-paced, uninterrupted delivery of superficial and false claims about climate science".[2]
‘ ‘


today i am thinking about:

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today i am thinking about

Charles II (Spanish: Carlos; 6 November 1661 – 1 November 1700), also known as El Hechizado or the Bewitched, was the last Habsburg ruler of the Spanish Empire. He is now best remembered for his physical disabilities, and the war for his throne that followed his death.

He died childless in 1700 with no immediate Habsburg heir. His will named his successor as 16-year-old Philip of Anjou, grandson of Louis XIV and Charles's half-sister Maria Theresa.[1] Disputes over the inheritance led to the War of the Spanish Succession.

Charles died in Madrid five days before his 39th birthday on 1 November 1700, the 39th death anniversary of his elder brother Philip. The physician who performed his autopsy stated his body "did not contain a single drop of blood; his heart was the size of a peppercorn; his lungs corroded; his intestines rotten and gangrenous; he had a single testicle, black as coal, and his head was full of water."[25]

His life was memorably summarised by John Langdon-Davies as follows: "We are dealing with a man who died of poison two hundred years before he was born. If birth is a beginning, of no man was it more true to say that in his beginning was his end. From the day of his birth they were waiting for his death."[26]


today i am thinking about.


today i am thinking about

Shaye Saint John is a fictional character and art project who appears in a series of surrealist, campy short films. Saint John, created by Eric Fournier,[1] was described with a backstory claiming she was a supermodel disfigured in a car crash, who rebuilt her body with a collection of mannequin parts. “

“studen nurses with waxwork patient”


today i am thinking about

“ ︎ plastic men, women and children want to tickle me in the wilderness. they watch as i caress my exposed spine... i'm ashamed of my own body. ︎

“Brian Douglas Wells (November 15, 1956 – August 28, 2003) was an American pizza delivery man who died during a complex plot involving a bank robbery, scavenger hunt and homemade explosive device near his hometown of Erie, Pennsylvania. Wells, who was surrounded by police, was killed when an explosive collar locked to his neck detonated. It is known as the "collar bomb" or "pizza bomber" case. The incident was shown live on television.

Wells' involvement in the plot is a matter of controversy. Investigators concluded and a federal prosecutor's indictment alleged Wells was a knowing participant in the bank robbery but was told the bomb was fake and did not know his co-conspirators intended for him to die. Wells' family said he was not a willing participant in the incident.

The multiple aspects of the crime meant the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) led an investigative task force in conjunction with the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms, and Explosives (ATF) and the Pennsylvania State Police (PSP). It is the only crime of its kind; CNN described it as "one of the most complicated and bizarre crimes in the annals of the FBI".[1]


today i am thinking about:

Gnosticism (from Ancient Greek: γνωστικός gnōstikós, Koine Greek: [ɡˠno̞s.tiˈkos], "having knowledge") is a collection of ancient religious ideas and systems which originated in the first century AD among early Christian and Jewish sects.[1] These various groups, labeled "Gnostics" by their opponents, emphasised personal spiritual knowledge (gnosis) over orthodox teachings, traditions, and ecclesiastical authority. They considered the principal element of salvation to be direct knowledge of the supreme divinity, experienced as intuitive or esoteric insight. Gnerally, Gnostic cosmogony presents a distinction between a supreme, transcendent God and a blind, evil demiurge responsible for creating the material universe, thereby trapping the divine spark within matter.[2] Many Gnostic texts deal not in concepts of sin and repentance, but with illusion and enlightenment.[2]


I feel like a robot, i don't think i have feelings. I just fake it when enteracting with others. It feels like every year it is worst than the one before. For 2 years no one noticed but now...
I'm 100% not a sucidal ppl so don't comment about that. Even though that i fake emotions family and friends now started to notice. Actually it is very obvious now even i can tell its like i'm not even trying. My family members think that i hate them and it frustrate me because everytime i have to explain that i don't and i really don't . the problem is that i make up excuses for why i'm like this with them everytime. Now i noticed that everyone is trying to be posative and supportive around me. It sucks to be dead but alive. Now my father wants me to marry a daughter of one of his friends ( i know here since we were children) do u want to know what is fucked up here?? She agreed. Wtf, are you asking me just to sucide. Lately i'm either stressed or in anger because of how they're treating the situation. Why the fuck does it have to be about sucide or depression every time someone feeling like this? Why not think of another cause thats making me like this. Can't you just leave me alone and just tell me when u need my help?. Now that out of the system i know they're just treating the situation the best they could i hope i figure out something to fix my miserible little situation.

And yes i'm not planning on marrying her.


To trigger the illusion you need to stare at your own reflection in a dimly lit room. The author, Italian psychologist Giovanni Caputo, describes his set up which seems to reliably trigger the illusion: you need a room lit only by a dim lamp (he suggests a 25W bulb) that is placed behind the sitter, while the participant stares into a large mirror placed about 40 cm in front.

The participant just has to gaze at his or her reflected face within the mirror and usually “after less than a minute, the observer began to perceive the strange-face illusion”.

The set-up was tried out on 50 people, and the effects they describe are quite striking:
‘At the end of a 10 min session of mirror gazing, the participant was asked to write what he or she saw in the mirror. The descriptions differed greatly across individuals and included: (a) huge deformations of one’s own face (reported by 66% of the fifty participants); (b) a parent’s face with traits changed (18%), of whom 8% were still alive and 10% were deceased; (c) an unknown person (28%); (d) an archetypal face, such as that of an old woman, a child, or a portrait of an ancestor (28%); (e) an animal face such as that of a cat, pig, or lion (18%); (f ) fantastical and monstrous beings (48%).’


today for breakfast I ate five pieces of cinnamon raisin swirl bread straight out of the bag.

today i am thinking about

Hey, Felix!

Maybe it’s just me, but the past 13 months have been a rollercoaster ride… with high highs and some low lows.

And while I’ve always been obsessed with learning and personal development, 2019 was definitely the year of mindset work for me.

It started out simply by following my curiosity (shout out to Elizabeth Gilbert’s book Big Magic for that concept!) and then I started to really see changes from implementing what I was learning.

By working on my mindset and limiting beliefs, I saw massive shifts.

Not only in my business but in ALL areas of my life

Before I was living my life (and running my business) from a place of fear.

Fear of failure. Fear of what judgement. Fear of embarrassment. Fear of disappointing others.

And I was tired of letting this fear hold me back!

That’s when I hired Lexi D’Angelo as my coach. Her insights, coaching, support, wisdom, and knowledge helped me view my life, myself, and my business in a brand new way!

Our work together was so powerful that I decided I wanted to be trained in the same things she was trained in (things like Life and Success coaching, EFT, Hypnotherapy, TIME techniques, and more)!

And that’s when I joined her program, Integrative Alchemy™ Practitioner Certification.

The IAPC program has absolutely changed my life and made me a more impactful and transformative coach, teacher, and leader.

If you are tired of letting fear run the show or even getting the same results over and over again and are ready to see REAL tangible results that will blow your mind, you are in the right place!

today i am thinking about

Russian researchers in the late 1940s kept five people awake for fifteen days using an experimental gas based stimulant. They were kept in a sealed environment to carefully monitor their oxygen intake so the gas didn't kill them, since it was toxic in high concentrations. This was before closed circuit cameras so they had only microphones and five inch thick glass porthole sized windows into the chamber to monitor them. The chamber was stocked with books, cots to sleep on but no bedding, running water and toilet, and enough dried food to last all five for over a month.

The test subjects were political prisoners deemed enemies of the state during World War II.

Everything was fine for the first five days; the subjects hardly complained having been promised (falsely) that they would be freed if they submitted to the test and did not sleep for 30 days. Their conversations and activities were monitored and it was noted that they continued to talk about increasingly traumatic incidents in their past, and the general tone of their conversations took on a darker aspect after the four day mark.

After five days they started to complain about the circumstances and events that lead them to where they were and started to demonstrate severe paranoia. They stopped talking to each other and began alternately whispering to the microphones and one way mirrored portholes. Oddly they all seemed to think they could win the trust of the experimenters by turning over their comrades, the other subjects in captivity with them. At first the researchers suspected this was an effect of the gas itself...

After nine days the first of them started screaming. He ran the length of the chamber repeatedly yelling at the top of his lungs for three hours straight, he continued attempting to scream but was only able to produce occasional squeaks. The researchers postulated that he had physically torn his vocal cords. The most surprising thing about this behavior is how the other captives reacted to it... or rather didn't react to it. They continued whispering to the microphones until the second of the captives started to scream. The two non-screaming captives took the books apart, smeared page after page with their own feces and pasted them calmly over the glass portholes. The screaming promptly stopped.

So did the whispering to the microphones.

After three more days passed. The researchers checked the microphones hourly to make sure they were working, since they thought it impossible that no sound could be coming with five people inside. The oxygen consumption in the chamber indicated that all five must still be alive. In fact it was the amount of oxygen five people would consume at a very heavy level of strenuous exercise. On the morning of the 14th day the researchers did something they said they would not do to get a reaction from the captives, they used the intercom inside the chamber, hoping to provoke any response from the captives they were afraid were either dead or vegetables.

They announced: "We are opening the chamber to test the microphones; step away from the door and lie flat on the floor or you will be shot. Compliance will earn one of you your immediate freedom."

To their surprise they heard a single phrase in a calm voice response: "We no longer want to be freed."

today i am thinking about

On April 19, 1943, Hofmann performed a self-experiment to determine the true effects of LSD, intentionally ingesting 0.25 milligrams (250 micrograms) of the substance, an amount he predicted to be a threshold dose (an actual threshold dose is 0.02 milligrams).[7] Less than an hour later, Hofmann experienced sudden and intense changes in perception. He asked his laboratory assistant to escort him home. As was customary in Basel, they made the journey by bicycle. On the way, Hofmann's condition rapidly deteriorated as he struggled with feelings of anxiety, alternating in his beliefs that the next-door neighbor was a malevolent witch, that he was going insane, and that the LSD had poisoned him. When the house doctor arrived, however, he could detect no physical abnormalities, save for a pair of incredibly dilated pupils. Hofmann was reassured, and soon his terror began to give way to a sense of good fortune and enjoyment, as he later wrote...
"... Little by little I could begin to enjoy the unprecedented colors and plays of shapes that persisted behind my closed eyes. Kaleidoscopic, fantastic images surged in on me, alternating, variegated, opening and then closing themselves in circles and spirals, exploding in colored fountains, rearranging and hybridizing themselves in constant flux ..."

The events of the first LSD trip, now known as “Bicycle Day”, after the bicycle ride home, proved to Hofmann that he had indeed made a significant discovery: a psychoactive substance with extraordinary potency, capable of causing significant shifts of consciousness in incredibly low doses. Hofmann foresaw the drug as a powerful psychiatric tool; because of its intense and introspective nature, he couldn't imagine anyone using it recreationally.[8] Bicycle Day is increasingly[citation needed] observed in psychedelic communities as a day to celebrate the discovery of LSD.


today i am thinking about

On the first Friday of Lent 1936, Mother Maria Pierina de Michelli (beatified 30th May 2010) reported a vision of Jesus.
In further visions she was urged to make a medal bearing the Holy Face of Jesus. She was given permission to reproduce the face of the Holy Shroud of Turin and authorisation by the Curia to proceed in 1940 with the medal.

One side has the image of the Holy Shroud of Turin and the words of Ps 66:2 "illumina Domine Vultum Tuum super nos" (may the light of your Face, O Lord, shine upon us).

On the other side the sacred host. The letters IHS and “Mane nobiscum Domine” (stay with us O Lord) Pope Pius XII approved the devotion and medal in 1958. She also reported Jesus’ desire of a special feast day on the Tuesday preceding Ash Wednesday each year (Shrove Tuesday), to be preceded by a 9 day novena of prayer.
The medal became famous for the miracles and spiritual favours associated with its use. In Our Blessed Mother’s own word, the medal is “a weapon for defense, a shield for courage, a token of love & mercy in these troubled days of lust, evil, loss of faith and hatred for God and for His Church.
Whoever wears this scapular (medal) and, if possible, pays a weekly visit to the Blessed Sacrament on Tuesdays in a spirit of reparation to the Holy Face will be granted the gift of a strong Faith and the grace to fly to its defence conquering if need be all interior and exterior difficulties. Moreover, they will meet their death peacefully, under the loving gaze of my divine son.” (from Biography of Blessed Pierina p33).
In 1958, Pope Pius XII declared the feast of the Holy Face of Jesus for all Roman Catholics to be the day before Ash Wednesday (Shrove Tuesday).

A Hand of Glory is the dried and pickled hand of a male person who has been hanged, often specified as being the left (Latin: sinister) hand, or, if the man was hanged for murder, the hand that "did the deed."

Old European beliefs attribute great powers to a Hand of Glory combined with a candle made from fat from the corpse of the same malefactor who died on the gallows. The candle so made, lighted, and placed (as if in a candlestick) in the Hand of Glory, would have rendered motionless all persons to whom it was presented. The process for preparing the hand and the candle are described in 18th-century documents, with certain steps disputed due to difficulty in properly translating phrases from that era. The concept inspired short stories and poems in the 19th century.


Today I am thinking about

  • Cat-like movements & sounds: Our revolutionary vibrapurr technology gives the cat an authentic purr that sounds and feels just like real purring. A real cat would, our companion pet cat is able to open and close its eyes, lift its Paw, open its mouth and move its head and body. The companion pet cat also has synthetic, soft, brush able fur inspired by real feline breeds.
  • Built in sensors: Using the built in sensors, our companion pet cat responds to motion and touch such as Petting and hugging, much like the real Cats you know and love, but doesn't require any special care or feeding.
  • A rich experience: Designed to bring comfort, companionship and fun to Elder loved ones. The ease of care and convenience paired with our state of the art technology makes for the best possible interactive experience for older adults living in senior communities or aging at home, and their caregivers or simply just a person that could use some extra company.
  • Award winning: Joy For All companion pets won the caregiver friendly award from today's caregiver 2 years in 2016 and 2017. This product has appeared in the New York times, people magazine and the Baltimore sun. It has also been seen on CBS and the doctors and heard on BBC radio.
  • Ageless innovation: Ageless innovation is a global company devoted to developing fun and engaging products for older adults. Beginning with the award-winning line of Joy For All companion pets, originally designed and launched by Hasbro, ageless innovation is focused on creating products that promote fun, joy and play while creating meaningful connections for aging loved ones, their families, and caregivers.
  • Soft and cuddly pet with fur inspired by real feline breeds
  • Features VibraPurr technology for purrs that sound and feel like real purring
  • Movements that mimic a real cat
  • Authentic cat sounds
  • Companion Pet and Care Guide
  • X4 1.5V C Alkaline Batteries included
  • 00:05being a caregiver it's not always a lot00:09of fun it can be a lonely world when I00:14gave him the cat he held it looked at it00:18talked to it00:19engaged with it and then you've got an00:22instant spark having the cat and00:25interacting with it gives me some time00:28that I can step out I like this cat00:35it's wonderful to know the grandkids00:40start petting it and they had something00:43happy to talk about any moment of00:49happiness or joy or giggle is good and00:52believe you me the cat provides that a00:55lot of the first feelings that you get00:58are of happiness and joy and oh this is01:01fun that's good for all of us

  • WHO AM I: Hello, little master! I’m a very adorable smart robot dog, and look like a real one. I can walk everywhere, bark and wink at you, and melt your heart. Oh, I am also obedient, following your command is my obligation. I can do anything you want me to do!
  • SING & DANCE WITH ME: With versatility, I can speak and walk, sing and dance. No need for stage, once I receive your command, I will dance immediately with cool lights on my back. I have so much potential, so don’t miss me out! I will bring endless fun to you!
  • I AM SAFE: I am meek and well-behaved robot dog, I don’t hurt people. With a smooth and round body, I promise I won't get hit by my little master. Also, I’m strong and robust, will stay a long time with you.
  • I CAN PROGRAM: I was born with a superb memory and fully programmable functions. Once you press my buttons, no matter what action you choose, I will show it with fun and joy. Don’t believe it? Try me. I will never let you down!
  • EASY TO FEED ME: Oh, my little master! Please remember to keep me charged and full of energy by using a USB charger. That will feed me when I’m hungry. Otherwise, I will fall asleep. By the way, SGILE store, who gave me life also provides 30-day free refund or replacement. So you don’t need to worry about any problem.

Despite Tanzler's best efforts, Hoyos died of tuberculosis at her parents' home in Key West on October 25, 1931.[1] Tanzler paid for her funeral, and with the permission of her family he then commissioned the construction of an above ground mausoleum in the Key West Cemetery, which he visited almost every night.[1][8]

One evening in April 1933, Tanzler crept through the cemetery where Hoyos was buried and removed her body from the mausoleum, carting it through the cemetery after dark on a toy wagon, and transporting it to his home. He reportedly said that Hoyos’ spirit would come to him when he would sit by her grave and serenade her corpse with a favorite Spanish song. He also said that she would often tell him to take her from the grave.[1]

Tanzler attached the corpse's bones together with wire and coat hangers, and fitted the face with glass eyes. As the skin of the corpse decomposed, Tanzler replaced it with silk cloth soaked in wax and plaster of paris. As the hair fell out of the decomposing scalp, Tanzler fashioned a wig from Hoyos' hair that had been collected by her mother and given to Tanzler not long after her burial in 1931.[8] Tanzler filled the corpse's abdominal and chest cavity with rags to keep the original form, dressed Hoyos' remains in stockings, jewelry, and gloves, and kept the body in his bed. Tanzler also used copious amounts of perfume, disinfectants, and preserving agents, to mask the odor and forestall the effects of the corpse's decomposition.[10]

In October 1940, Hoyos' sister Florinda heard rumors of Tanzler sleeping with the disinterred body of her sister, and confronted Tanzler at his home, where Hoyos' body was eventually discovered (he was also caught dancing with her corpse in front of an open window). Florinda notified the authorities, and Tanzler was arrested and detained. Tanzler was psychiatrically examined, and found mentally competent to stand trial on the charge of "wantonly and maliciously destroying a grave and removing a body without authorization."[1] After a preliminary hearing on October 9, 1940 at the Monroe County Courthouse in Key West, Tanzler was held to answer on the charge, but the case was eventually dropped and he was released, as the statute of limitations for the crime had expired.[1][8]

Shortly after the corpse's discovery by authorities, Hoyos' body was examined by physicians and pathologists, and put on public display at the Dean-Lopez Funeral Home, where it was viewed by as many as 6,800 people.[9] Hoyos' body was eventually returned to the Key West Cemetery where the remains were buried in an unmarked grave, in a secret location, to prevent further tampering.[1]

The facts underlying the case and the preliminary hearing drew much interest from the media at the time (most notably, from the Key West Citizen and Miami Herald), and created a sensation among the public, both regionally and nationwide. The public mood was generally sympathetic to Tanzler, whom many viewed as an eccentric "romantic".[1]

Though not reported contemporaneously, research (most notably by authors Harrison and Swicegood) has revealed evidence of Tanzler's necrophilia with Hoyos' corpse.[1][8] Two physicians (Dr. DePoo and Dr. Foraker) who attended the 1940 autopsy of Hoyos' remains recalled in 1972 that a paper tube had been inserted in the vaginal area of the corpse that allowed for intercourse.[1][8] Others contend that since no evidence of necrophilia was presented at the 1940 preliminary hearing, and because the physicians' "proof" surfaced in 1972, over 30 years after the case had been dismissed, the necrophilia allegation is questionable. While no existing contemporary photographs of the autopsy or photographs taken at the public display show a tube, the necrophilia claim was repeated by the HBO Autopsy program in 1999.[10]

“what child doesn't like a biscuit but nine-year-old Max's diet is almost exclusively custard creams
at age about six-seven months max started eating custard cream and it's just continued from there that is the main part of his diet
brother John and sister Willow have no problem with their eating but all efforts at breaking Max's biscuit habit has been met with abject failure I mean it doesn't the most obvious thing to do is to take all this biscuits out we had tried that and I think lasted about a week and Max still wouldn't eat he went Less than a full week with nothing in the end so we’d just given back his biscuit
now just a tiny bit ‘no’ why not ‘because i don’t like it’
I think he does have a fear of food if his brother or sister is eating next to him he will get up and move
he doesn't want to be near it
but max what are you doing
im pretending to be asleep
he gets quite tired half way through the day
even on his restricted visits to his dad, the custard cremes have to come too
after nine years on this restricted diet, mum knows something has to change”

today i am thinking about

The film opens with the debut of the new season at the Paris Opera House, with a production of Gounod's Faust. Comte Philippe de Chagny (John St. Polis) and his brother, the Vicomte Raoul de Chagny (Norman Kerry) are in attendance. Raoul attends only in the hope of hearing his sweetheart Christine Daaé (Mary Philbin) sing. Christine has made a sudden rise from the chorus to understudy of Mme. Carlotta, the prima donna. Raoul visits her in her dressing room during the performance, and makes his intentions known that he wishes for Christine to resign and marry him. Christine refuses to let their relationship get in the way of her career.

At the height of the most prosperous season in the Opera's history, the management suddenly resign. As they leave, they tell the new managers of the Opera Ghost, a phantom who asks for opera box No. 5, among other things. The new managers laugh it off as a joke, but the old management leaves troubled.

After the performance, the ballerinas are disturbed by the sight of a mysterious man in a fez (Arthur Edmund Carewe), who dwells in the cellars. Arguing whether or not he is the Phantom, they decide to ask Joseph Buquet, a stagehand who has actually seen the ghost's face. Buquet describes a ghastly sight of a living skeleton to the girls, who are then startled by a shadow cast on the wall. The antics of stagehand Florine Papillon (Snitz Edwards) do not amuse Joseph's brother, Simon (Gibson Gowland), who chases him off. Meanwhile, Mme. Carlotta (Virginia Pearson), the prima donna of the Paris Grand Opera, barges into the managers' office enraged. She has received a letter from "The Phantom," demanding that Christine sing the role of Marguerite the following night, threatening dire consequences if his demands are not met. Christine is in her dressing room at that moment, speaking to a phantom voice (which the audience sees as a shadow on a wall behind the dressing room.) The voice warns her that she will take Carlotta's place on Wednesday and that she is to think only of her career and her master.

The following day, in a garden near the Opera House, Raoul meets Christine and asks her to reconsider his offer. Christine admits that she has been tutored by a divine voice, the "Spirit of Music," and that it is now impossible to stop her career. Raoul tells her that he thinks someone is playing a joke on her, and she storms off in anger.

Wednesday evening, Carlotta is ill and Christine takes her place in the opera. During the performance, the managers go to Box 5 to see exactly who has taken it. The keeper of the box does not know who it is, as she has never seen his face. The two managers enter the box and are startled to see a shadowy figure seated there. They run out of the box and compose themselves, but when they enter the box again, the person is gone. In her next performance, Christine reaches her triumph during the finale and receives a standing ovation from the audience. When Raoul visits her in her dressing room, she pretends not to recognize him, because unbeknownst to those in the room, the phantom voice is present. Meanwhile, Simon Buquet finds the body of his brother, Joseph, hanging by the strangler's noose and vows vengeance. Raoul spends the evening outside her door, and after the others have left, just as he is about to enter, he hears the voice within the room. He overhears the voice make his intentions to Christine: "Soon, Christine, this spirit will take form and will demand your love!" When Christine leaves her room alone, Raoul breaks in to find it empty. Carlotta receives another discordant note from the Phantom. Once again, it demands that she take ill and let Christine have her part. The managers also get a note, reiterating that if Christine does not sing, they will present "Faust" in a house with a curse on it.

The following evening, despite the Phantom's warnings, a defiant Carlotta appears as Marguerite. At first, the performance goes well, but soon the Phantom's curse takes its effect, backstage, causing the great crystal chandelier to fall down onto the audience. Christine runs to her dressing room and is entranced by a mysterious voice through a secret door behind the mirror, descending, in a dream-like sequence, semi-conscious on horseback by a winding staircase into the lower depths of the Opera. She is then taken by gondola over a subterranean lake by the masked Phantom into his lair. The Phantom introduces himself as Erik and declares his love; Christine faints, so Erik carries her to a suite fabricated for her comfort. The next day, when she awakens, she finds a note from Erik telling her that she is free to come and go as she pleases, but that she must never look behind his mask. In the next room, the Phantom is playing his composition, "Don Juan Triumphant." Christine's curiosity gets the better of her, and she sneaks up behind the Phantom and tears off his mask, revealing his hideously deformed face. Enraged, the Phantom makes his plans to hold her prisoner known. In an attempt to plead to him, he excuses her to visit her world one last time, with the condition that she never sees her lover again.

Released from the underground dungeon, Christine makes a rendezvous at the annual masked-ball, which is graced with the Phantom in the guise of the 'Red-Death' from the Edgar Allan Poe short story of the same name. Raoul finds Christine and they flee to the roof of the Opera House, where she tells him everything that followed the chandelier crash. However, an unseen jealous Phantom perching on the statue of Apollo overhears them. Raoul plans to whisk Christine safely away to London following the next performance. As they leave the roof, the mysterious man with the fez approaches them. Aware that the Phantom is waiting downstairs, he leads Christine and Raoul to another exit.

The following evening, Raoul meets Christine in her dressing room. She has heard the voice of the Phantom, who has revealed that he knows their plans. Raoul has arranged for a carriage and reassures her nothing will go wrong. During the performance, the Phantom kidnaps Christine off the stage during a blackout. Raoul rushes to Christine's dressing room, and meets the man in the fez, who reveals himself to be Inspector Ledoux, a secret policeman who has been studying Erik's moves as the Phantom since he escaped as a prisoner from Devil's Island. Ledoux reveals the secret door in Christine's room and the two men enter the catacombs of the Opera House in an attempt to rescue Christine. Instead, they fall into the Phantom's dungeon, a torture room of his design. Philippe has also found his way into the catacombs looking for his brother, and a clanging alarm alerts the Phantom to his presence in a canoe on the lake. Phillipe is drowned by Erik, who returns to find the two men in the torture chamber. Turning a switch, the Phantom subjects the two prisoners to intense heat; the two manage to escape the chamber by opening a door in the floor as they are about to perish. In the chamber below, the Phantom shuts a gate, locking them in with barrels full of gunpowder.

The Phantom gives Christine a choice of two levers: one shaped like a scorpion and the other like a grasshopper. One of them will save Raoul's life, but at the cost of Christine marrying Erik, while the other will blow up the barrels in the chamber Raoul and Ledoux are trapped in, in effect destroying the Opera House and killing them all. Christine picks the scorpion, but it is a trick by the Phantom to "save" Raoul and Ledoux from being killed by drowning them. Christine begs the Phantom to save Raoul, promising him anything in return, even becoming his wife. At the last second, the Phantom opens a trapdoor in his floor through which Raoul and Ledoux are saved.

A mob, led by Simon, infiltrates the Phantom's lair. As the clanging alarm sounds and the mob approaches, the Phantom attempts to flee with Christine in the carriage meant for Raoul and Christine. While Raoul saves Christine, the Phantom is pursued and killed by a mob, who throw him into the River Seine to finally drown. In a brief epilogue, Raoul and Christine are shown on their honeymoon in Viroflay.”

Today I am thinking about
“many of us have dreamt of a quiet life
in the country
one woman thought she'd found that dream
in Wales but for Jan Bush the reality
became a nightmare and she wants to move
out but she can't move straight away and
grime fighter Ben and his team are
brought in to help
so these are the dogs
crazy dogs who your best friends are
they don't know what Id do without you two
she lives in a world war two bunker
no electric no hot water no sewage Jan
is anxious for her home to be cleaned
and the grime fighters are ready to step in
looks like Ben's got his work cut out
basically we've been asked to clean this
one room here in this kitchen and then
this one bedroom or when useable room at
the side this windowless concrete
wartime bunker with walls blackened by
Candle soot has been John's home for
half her life when we start pulling stuff
out hopefully I'll go down quite quickly
but I'd like to just not get out in a
day with no electricity or natural
daylight the team have brought a
generator as they start their work Ben
slowly realizes that this is Jan's
bedroom this is where she's sleeping
obviously for anyone who's watching this
these aren't Brown these are white, white
sheets and quilts and that's her only
source of light so you can imagine
was pitch black in here and
she's sitting here with the two dogs and
three candles bizarre have you seen the
photo on the wall she was beautiful
how old are you there
Im fifty now
that was me I was forty
I will give that a clean view and
give that private place
the years have gone by the rubbish is
piled up it all proved a bit too much
this is terrible stench off it like dog
dog mess basically Jan's love of animals
brought her here in the first place to
be anymore
started off with goats
then it went on to sheep
and weve had the odd chickens
and the ducks
we are my horse here well he wouldn't
come indoors he didn't like indoors he
used to stand for the bunker in a storm
thunder storm thunder lightning and stand
on top of the bunker
stupid horse
[Music]the only thing no you wouldn't allowed
to gain his pigs they were in that room
next door and every time you moved theyd squeal
time passed the rubbish simply collected
in her front room and now it threatens
to engulf her
hello millions of doggins and and then
it's just food and clothes blankets
bedding just all rotten everything's
rotten mess of trouble pulling out
but where is the kitchen well initially
the remnants of Jan's past are all
around her when I was thirty I enjoyed
being here I had a lot of what I felt
were friends around me at the time but
now there's nothing so
I'd rather just leave now
I'm just start a new chapter of my life
memories will remain forever but the
rubbish has to be cleared
I reckon another hour and we'll see half the floor
the team don't need to be told
keep on digging
back in the world war two bunker
Jan's home is being turned upside down
she waits patiently as tonnes of rubbish
are removed if someone was to work on a
rubbish dump they'd had a roof over it
for 20 years that's what it's like
working it horrible this is the worst ive ever seen
jans been sharing her home with
all sorts of animals I think as well as
a vast collection of glass every time
you honor them from the big bigger
bottle effort it breaks you you just get
a smell come through Jan is not one of
those people who bring their jobs home
one of the caretakers so you scroll down now
uplift you say go around every Saturday
we do the cleaning
after all her years of collecting now
she wants what about the chandelier what
me and the dogs well I'm just to get
the lads take a well-earned rest only
get better for me I can't it now so
can't get any worse
I hope not it's not very nice in Wales a
dark damp World War two bunker has been
home for Jan Bush for the past 25 years
now with help of some extreme cleaners
she's ready to move on the lads are not
in the least bit sentimental about
Jan's belongings bring the wood out
yeah make a fire then chuck it all on
Burn it get rid of that but some things
really do matter to her a cobweb in the
van want me to leave them okay I'm quite
happy doing that all right we leave this
spiders as they can stay I don't think it
will burn seriously but I mean I think
it should have been over the whole
flippin place but a great big bomb in
there and and out of the rubble some
happy memories are stirred this was
ages and ages ago when
I first started I thought I'd lost it
totally after all these years this has
been when I first started trying to do
watercolor that one is actually going
down to mallows
lovely little place
[Music]after many hours of work the bunker is
transformed and the lads make Jan's life
a little more comfortable while she
awaits a new home
in just a few final touches smells better
[Music]well if you decide on that when we first
came in your kids left your spiders this wont
touch them
well there's a new bed anyway
love that sound
[Music]it's not to everyone's taste
but to Jan it's still home”

monday december 2 2019
today for breakfast i had a bag of microwaveable peas and a peanut butter, honey, and blackberry sandwich. for lunch i had mcdonald’s french fries and ‘vegetarian delight’ with fried rice from a fast casual chinese food restaurant. for a late snack i had ‘plant protein balls’ and ‘fuit leather’.

today i am thinking about RAM, peach, ‘quake’, ogres, snow falling around my faux fur hood, snow tinkling on my air conditioner, the unseen end of transactions, conversations wherein one party mistakenly believes to be informing the other about something important that they did not know about, confirmation bias, melatonin, first person shooters, nausea, christmas, jack daniels honey whiskey, all of the possible ways a computer keyboard can feel on your fingers, all of the possible little chirping clicks that a mouse could make, the specific click of the mouse you use every day, the fine motor control of using a trackpad versus a mouse, flails, wraiths, a school in an anime where every girl has the same face, the little lights under laptop keys, ‘underglow’, sentimental feelings for objects, stockholm syndrome, munchausen’s syndrome, anime breast mousepads, honey that has gotten very cold and partially frozen, the mollasses flood, the day’s second nap attempt, conversation over the phone with someone you may never meet.

I have not written in my diary in a while.

today I am thinking about:

[Blanche] Monnier was a French socialite from a well-respected, bourgeoisie family in Poitiers of old noble origins. She was renowned for her physical beauty, and attracted many potential suitors for marriage. In 1874, at the age of 25, she wanted to marry an older lawyer who was not to her mother Louise's liking; she argued that her daughter could not marry a “penniless lawyer”.[3] Her disapproving mother, angered by her daughter's defiance, locked her in a tiny, dark room in the attic of their home, where she kept her secluded for 25 years. Louise Monnier and her brother Marcel continued on with their daily lives, pretending to mourn Blanche's death. None of her friends knew where she was, and the lawyer she wished to marry unexpectedly died in 1885. On 23 May 1901, the "Paris Attorney General"[b] received an anonymous letter – the author of which is still unknown – that revealed the incarceration:
Monsieur Attorney General: I have the honor to inform you of an exceptionally serious occurrence. I speak of a spinster who is locked up in Madame Monnier’s house, half-starved and living on a putrid litter for the past twenty-five years – in a word, in her own filth.

Monnier was rescued by police from appalling conditions, covered in old food and feces, with bugs all around the bed and floor, weighing barely 25 kilograms (55 lb).[4][5]

One policeman described the state of Monnier and her bed thus:[3]
The unfortunate woman was lying completely naked on a rotten straw mattress. All around her was formed a sort of crust made from excrement, fragments of meat, vegetables, fish, and rotten bread… We also saw oyster shells, and bugs running across Mademoiselle Monnier’s bed. The air was so unbreathable, the odor given off by the room was so rank, that it was impossible for us to stay any longer to proceed with our investigation.

Her mother was arrested, became ill shortly afterwards, and died 15 days later after seeing an angry mob gather in front of her house. Her brother Marcel Monnier appeared in court, and was initially convicted, but later was acquitted on appeal; Marcel Monnier was deemed mentally incapacitated, and although the judges criticized his choices, they found that a "duty to rescue" did not exist in the penal code at that time with sufficient rule to convict him.[4][6]

After she was released from the room, Monnier continued to suffer from mental health problems. She was diagnosed with various disorders, including anorexia nervosa,[c] schizophrenia, exhibitionism, and coprophilia. She was soon led to her admission to a psychiatric hospital in Blois, France, where she eventually died in 1913 in apparent obscurity.”

monday december 10 2019
today for breakfast i had a protein bar. for dinner i had tacos with corn tortillas, yams, onion, red pepper, and carrot.

today i am thinking about the sound of everyone humming at once, a big miling giant, a giant stretching out his face, a giant with the word ‘giant’ as his eyes, skull and cross bones, someone drowning in the sims, drowning outside of a body of water, cracked phone, tik tok, ‘raise high the roof beam, carpenters’, burning a piece of wood, letting it burn from both ends, walking around your room with the burning piece of wood, selling my synthesizer, the numb frustration of the synthesizer not synthesizing anything, a christmas tree, why the word ‘christmas’ so frequently pops into my head as possible names, times, events, etc., unplugged hair dryer, car out of gas, putrefied corpse, ‘the gay science’, finding a red hair in my bed, clementines, picture of a baby bird, readymade sculpture of a baby bird, videogame rage, slow-mo, crack an egg on my back, shooting back into your skin, ‘you’re such a fucking buzzkill dude’, ‘fucking’, the scene in amelie where the titular amelie imagines everyone in the city who was orgasming at that very moment, two computers, carpal tunnel, inflatable tube man, paper bag breaking from stress, man showing his teeth to passersby, train into the city, train out of the city, rain, sweden, ‘30 days of night’, texting, ‘ Sounds good! I'm at work now and all week. I'll probably see her today or tomorrow. Tomorrow is Nan's Birthday!! A call or a text is fine ☺️☺️😘🥰😍‘, apple tree, emoji translation, emoji design, the sound of rain building up behind you, a dead crow on its side, an infected cows eye, an old man crying, mother mary, jesus christ, the prophet muhammed, capybaras, a big cartoon dog standing and winking at you, speedrun videos, ‘streets 1:12’, the book of revelation, new york city elmo, mister rogers, hyena eating from an elephant’s anus, dolphin chirping underwater, school of fish singing like a flock of birds, sunrise underwater, living underwater, a building slowly disintegrating underwater.

thursday december 5 2019
today for breakfast i had three mandarin oranges and a sandwich. for dinner i had ziti pasta with vodka sauce. then i had french fries. then i had alchohol.

today i am thinking about ‘when things fall apart’, going back to your old school, falco dittos, the end of the world, the end of me, ‘in which way?’, the idea that we are all the remnants of god’s celestial corpse and that we must all die to finally clease ourselves and reach joy and enlightenment, ‘you’re not going to be a very beautiful woman’, yelling, kamala harris, money, eye contact, pokemon cards, 3d models, emptiness, bolo ties, cannabis tinctures, ‘master’, eagle with camera on its head, ‘being alive starterpack’, and the last dregs of snow.

wednesday december 4 2019
today for breakfast i had mandarin oranges and taboule salad. for lunch/dinner i had a heaping plate of mini tater tots dressed with salt, parmesan cheese, and honey.

today i am thinking about the absolute, ‘he-sorry, she’, standing all alone waiting for the train to come, writing an itinerary list for therapy, ‘do you get your therapist something for christmas?’, ‘maybe in the summer time?’, wilderness retreat, the dog ran off with a mountain lion, early for therapy for once but late for work, pretzels, ‘every dreamed and waking hour’, being contrarian, snipers, train full of men, placebo effect as entry point to the divine, cleansing rituals, wine, and bread.

tuesday december 3 2019
today for breakfast i had ‘vegetable protein bars’, ‘fruit leather’, and a tortilla with peanut butter, honey, and blackberries. for dinner i had mini tater tots tossed with parmesan cheese, honey, and salt. for a snack i ate taboule salad.

today i am thinking about ducks, hens, chickens, dish drying racks, ‘super meat boy’ the brain’s workspace, needle in a haystack, belt and road, the era of confusion, not going outside for an entire day, not going outside for an entire week, being upset about something and calling someone about it and not being able to explain what you’re upset about, atomization, normalization, ‘Hey! I'm so glad you reached out. I'm actually at capacity / helping someone else who's in crisis / dealing with some personal stuff right now, and I don't think I can hold appropriate space for you. Could we connect [later date or time] instead / Do you have someone else you could reach out to?’, consciousness as an invisible plasma that effects objects like when you feel like a precarious object is more likely to fall when someone else is looking at it, a horde of humanoid robots racing at high speeds all aflame, the idea that if consciousness can be defined not in terms of binary but as something that can be more or less present based on the confluence of information contained within an enitity then thing like crabs and rocks and water can be thought to be conscious, the idea that wehn you die it’s just ‘lights off’, your mother turning the lights off in your room because it’s time for you to go to bed.

sunday december 1 2019
today for breakfast i had an egg and cheese english muffin, hashbrowns and a maple frosted donut from dunkin donuts. for dinner i had cheese tortillas with taboule salad.

today i am thinking about soft shell crabs, black holes, ‘say it before its too late’, the mysterious pain in my side, scholar’s mate, problematic jokes, rumbling giant machines that deal with the management of snow, ‘hidden-ness’ inherent in any object, the many and the one, ‘persuasions’ of matter, cheese melting in the microwave on one part of the plate but not on the other, clogged vape pen, the way a movie gets stuck in your head after you watch it, and the drowsiness i feel when on my cocktail of late night pills.

thursday november 28 2019
today i ate next to nothing for breakfast. for a snack i had cranberries and a cookie. for dinner i had green bean casserole, mashed potatoes, candied yams, ‘stuffing’, pie, wine, cider, and a crescent roll.

today i am thinking about collective fiction, apotheosis, the death of the ego, turkey, feathers, christmas, america, games, cow’s eyes, dog barks, monty python and the holy grail, the noise of the train the silence of the train, and the
‘simpsons tree house of horror’.

wednesday november 27 2019
today for breakfast i had a protein bar and a veggie burger. for lunch i ate a packet of peanut butter crackers and radiatore pasta with marinara sauce. for a snack i had a bag of microwaveable peas. for dinner i had half of a large vegetable pizza.

today i am thinking about apotheosis, ‘capitalist realism’, office space, the smell of a dog, elderly animals, drool, urine, cleanliness, prayer, light reflecting off countless dead leaves, ‘not gonna walk into the river and disappear’, the tibetan book of the dead, crystals, weight, lightness, soft metal, hairless skin, eye contact, ‘do you miss him?’, biting, and burning of the throat.

tuesday november 26 2019
today i had two clementines, a banana, a protein bar, and a veggie burger for breakfast. for lunch i had a footlong subway ‘veggie delight’ sandwich from subway on white bread with tomatoes, cucumbers, olives, onions, banana peppers, green peppers, spinach, ‘lite’ mayonaise, salt, pepper, and oregano, with a bag of lays chips and a chocolate chip cookie. for dinner i had mcdonalds, a medium order of french fries and an apple pie.

today i am thinking about robots, the minksy arm, beer in plastic cup, the pleasant weather, the hostile outdoors, wilting plants in my room, the cold, the unspoken agreement, chess puzzles, biting, welts on the arm from biting, omnivorous teeth, distorted proportions in a photograph from misuse of the smart phone panorama effect, funhouse effect in photobooth, giant inflatable spongebob, two heads are better than one, girl woven into chair, crack in the middle of my wooden chair, deflated exercise ball, water damage, water bottle leaking in your purse, and holding the pages of a book in front of your space heater to mitigate the water damage.

monday november 25 2019
today i ate a banana, two clementines, and a proten bar for breakfast. i had radiatore pasta with marinara sauce for lunch. i had another protein bar for a snack. i had a veggie burger wrapped in a torilla with cheese, another tortilla with peanut butter and honey, and another clementine for dinner.

today i am thinking about panpsychism, the big fat quiz of everything, jesus christ, paintings of jesus christ, mcdonalds children’s playplace, overeaters anonymous, RAM, estrogen, testoterone, spironolactone, hungry ghosts, dharma, priest’s robes, the cloth on the area where you can kneel before the altar in a christian church, clementines, rain, being very close to other people on the train, and wealthy middle-aged people sitting down for dinner.

sunday november 24 2019
today i ate an egg and cheese english muffin, two orders of hash browns, and a chocolate frosted donut for breakfast. for a snack i ate some cashews from a plastic bag and a protein bar. for dinner i ate the ‘impossible’ whopper from burger king with a large order of french fries.

today i am thinking about pokemon cards, the giant head in the sky from neon genesis evangelion, disembodied feet, a bunch of frogs riding a snake, a bunch of crabs riding a man, an image that reads ‘i feel happy/ because i lack the very language to articulate my despair’, collage, the nature of the cars in disney’s ‘cars’, super smash brothers melee, 100gecs, conflict resolution, the feeling after you cry, the feeling of the bus window on the side of your face, how to eat a pistachio nut without touching the actual nut just the shell, and what a plant feels when it dies.